Before any great accomplishment was ever materialized, it first started as an idea, a crazy one sometimes.

Just a little over a century ago, who would have thought that men could fly like a bird? But the Wright brothers believed in that crazy idea and went on to create a flying machine, now better known as an airplane. And it’s not far fetched to think that someone must have thought it this way after aeroplanes became commonplace: “Since we can now fly to anywhere on Earth, why not fly to the moon next?”

If human beings without wings can resist the forces of gravity, which was once unimaginable, how hard can it be to realize the dream of a good life, however grandeur a good life may mean to you?

I’m dreaming perhaps. Even though we are imbued with potential no lesser than the Wright Brothers (in fact, we’ve more reasons to do better than those two), but look around us. How many of us are actually tapping and harnessing a fraction of that huge reservoir of potential? How many of us are engaging in work that we feel passionate about? How many of us actually live fully instead of ‘just surviving’?

Then the next question begged to be asked: Why some people can achieve almost anything they want, feel in control of their destiny, have no worries about monies, and bounce back from setbacks effortlessly, while the rest struggle to make ends meet, and battle with discontentment, job insecurity and other fears even when you compare people with similar education and background?

Common Excuses We Tell Ourselves

Could it be a lack of time? Obviously not, because everyone has the same number of hours each day. It’s how we use our time, and more importantly, how we manage our attention that produces the results we see in life.

How about personal background and connections? If you’re not born in a rich family, didn’t marry a celebrity spouse, or don’t know the right people, then there’s no way you can succeed in life right? Of course not, you and I have every opportunity to create the suitable circumstances to meet the right people. The question is, can you spot an opportunity to connect with someone when it arises? When you do see the chance, are you overwhelmed by your shyness and internal beliefs that rob you of the networking chance? And when you do speak, are you able to exude your confidence and build rapport with others?

The lack of money is another common reason given for not achieving the life we want. In fact in Singapore, the adage “No money, no talk” is often used to mean without money, it’s pointless to even talk about anything. But that’s not entirely true too. I’m sure you’ve heard of many successful people, like Celine Dion and Oprah Winfrey, who made it big despite their humble beginnings. There are many more unknown self-made millionaires out there with a similar story: They started out with little but with sheer determination, creativity and perseverance, they achieved what they have today.

The Real Reason

All the three excuses above share one common characteristic. They are obstacles that we put into our own mind. They made us believe that without them we can only go so far.

But the truth is, we already have what it takes to achieve what we want in life. The difference between people who are successful, be it financially, physically or spiritually, and people who are not lies in the way they use their mind.

Do successful people have less work, problems, worries, fears and anxieties? I don’t think so. In fact, given the work that they do, they should be busier, have more worries and live with more anxieties than anyone else.

But they do not allow their emotions, limiting thoughts and beliefs to hold them back. They are able to focus on what they want to achieve and hush those beliefs that say they can’t.

How about you? Are you working towards your goals in life? Or do you let your fears and circumstances to dash your dream?

Be Careful with What You Believe In

Contrary to what many may think, we are not defined by the clothes we wear, the people we know, the size of our house, or the amount of money in our bank account, even though they are convenient yardsticks to use.

When you look deeper, you’ll find that we are in fact defined by the beliefs in our mind. Beliefs affect every aspect in our lives: from the clothes we buy, the foods we eat to the important decisions we make and the partner we choose to spend our lives with.

A belief first begins as a thought or a conclusion that comes from ourselves or suggested by someone. When it gets repeated for enough times, it gradually crystallizes into a belief which we accept as a fact which we rarely question. Let’s take one simple example. Say, you don’t like spicy food and after trying different foods cooked with chilies, you’ve come to equate chili with a hot, sweating and unpleasant experience. Gradually, this becomes part of your belief system, so that whenever you see foods with chili, you’ll automatically skip over them without even tasting them.

Let’s take another example, this time in the form of a story. Cathy is a woman in her late thirties. In her growing up years as well as working life, she had experienced a number of betrayals and difficult relationships with men. Her cold and distant relationship with her Dad who left her when she was young, her physically abusive ex-boyfriends, her current aggressive and sometimes hostile boss and unhelpful male colleagues all led Cathy to conclude that men are simply too untrustworthy. Every time she had a rough time with men, she’d silently exclaim, “Why can’t men ever be trusted?” But unbeknown to her, this belief of hers doesn’t just sit idly in her mind. Unconsciously, Cathy’s behavior towards men, even to those she doesn’t know, becomes more and more extreme. She’d automatically steer herself away from men while walking along the streets. When she meets one in a business presentation, she’d write them off in her mind even before they start. Since she expects all men to be unreliable, she’d always be able to find disappointment in the men in her life to back up her belief. And it’s not hard to imagine her response to male candidates when she conducts job interviews. None will pass her assessment. Yet all these behavioral changes, which is propelled by one single belief, took shape without Cathy’s awareness. When people around her pointed out her bias towards men, she always has a ready reason to justify her decision, dressing up her unconscious revulsion towards men.

Although this may read like an extreme example, it illustrates the nature and power of beliefs:

• Beliefs are none other than generalizations that we make based on the experiences we go through in life.
• As much as life experiences shape our beliefs, beliefs also shape our perception of life itself by influencing the way we see and react with the world around us, often reinforcing our beliefs.
• What we believe in may not necessarily be true, or applicable elsewhere. But whatever we believe in becomes the only reality we know of.
• We are not always conscious of our beliefs. Many of them in fact operate silently beneath our conscious mind in what scientists called the subconscious or unconscious mind.

At this point, you may think that all beliefs are villains that we should get rid of. No! That will be a wrong conclusion to make! Beliefs arise out of our pure intention to protect ourselves and prevent us from getting hurt. But as we see earlier, taking beliefs at face value without examining them can be dangerous and greatly limit us.

If, for instance, you strongly believe that being an employee is much safer than being a boss. Your belief would then mentally discount any success stories you’ve read on entrepreneurship, and ignore opportunities that come your way no matter how good they are. Instead, you’ll become more attuned to stories of new businesses that have failed miserably or other related news that reinforce your belief.

Beliefs in this case have become an invisible cage that traps us within our mind, blinding us to other possibilities out there. Therefore, while beliefs may be useful at times, we’d want to be conscious of their influence on our thought patterns and know when we should apply them and when we should challenge them.

How to Become More Aware of Your Beliefs

How then can we be more aware of our beliefs so that we are in a better position to ascertain their usefulness? Here are some suggested ways:

1. Pay Attention to Words You Use. When you find yourself using generalizations like “You are always so slow!”, “Why I can’t do simple things right? Stupid!”, and “Women are bad drivers!”, pause and ask yourself two simple questions: “Is that statement always true?” and “Why am I inclined to think this way?”. You’ll almost always realize that the conclusion you’ve just made is inherently full of loopholes and further probing may reveal deeply ingrained beliefs you’ve about yourself or other people.

2. Take Stock of Your Current Situation. Your beliefs shape you as well as your current state of being. If you want to know what are your deeply held beliefs, one way is to look at the important aspects of your life: physical health, financial health, relationships, career and your self-image. Say, your health is not as good as you would like it to be. Is it because you have not been going to the gym you’ve signed up for? On closer examination, you may find that the reason why you’ve stopped hitting the gym is because you believe that everyone in the gym is laughing at the way you move your body.

3. Ask Your Loved Ones & Friends. We are better at spotting ‘irregularities’ in others than in ourselves. You may think that there’s nothing wrong with the way you walk, but in the eyes of others, your walking posture may be downright weird! Likewise, the people around you can be a vital source of clues to your inner beliefs which are manifested through the way you live your life. While they can’t read your mind, they will be able to highlight blind spots that you’ve overlooked. Pay attention to passing comments about you, or if you’re brave enough, ask for honest opinions from trusted friends. “Is there anything in me you’d like to see change?” Then keep quiet, listen and no matter what you hear, don’t be defensive.

4. Be Mindful of Your Thoughts. Instead of going about your days mindlessly, when you’re more conscious of your thoughts, you’ll stand a better chance to ‘see’ how your thinking process works and the underlying beliefs that are powering it.

5. Meditate. This ancient practice used by many to still the mind helps you to develop more awareness about the content of our mind. Our reaction to the beliefs we have are often spontaneous, but meditation gives us the ability to introduce a buffer between our beliefs and the reactions towards them, so that we can choose the most appropriate response.

Now that you’ve identified some beliefs that have long passed their used by date, how can you change them? That’s what we’ll discuss next.

How to Change Limiting Beliefs

Pause and think of one limiting belief which you’d like to change now. Is it a belief about your waistline, your health, your job or your relationship? Whatever it is, it must be one which you really, really want to change. Suffice to say, without a strong desire to change, nothing will ever happen.

Got one? Good, let’s go through some possible ways you can transform it:

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