Have you ever try to relax but realized that the harder you try, the more difficult it is to loosen up? But, the moment you stop trying, you find yourself instantly, well, more relaxed! Why is this so?
What it really means by being relaxed
The fact is inherent in the state of relaxation is an element of surrendering control. You may not be consciously aware of it, but you can feel it right away whenever you recover, or ease off, from a high tension state such as anger, anxiety or fear.
Internal tensions almost always happen when there is a perceived sense of losing control. Be it your relationship, career, money, health, self-image or possessions, when you feel you are losing grip of anything that matters to you, you will become angry, sad, anxious, scare or anything but relaxed.
However, when you cease the internal activities in your mind, or more commonly, use some external stimulant to distract yourself from the internal conflict, effectively causing you to temporarily forget about the tension and the control you need to restore, the strong emotion within you will start to dissolve. When there is no energy to fuel the tension or emotion you hold inside, the resulting state is relaxation.
Relaxation is your natural state of being rather than an exception. More than just a dull or passive state of mind, when you are relax, you are clear, calm and alert, without the desire to change anything. It doesn’t mean that you are happy with everything around you. It just means that you accept things as what they are.
Self-awareness — the key to staying relaxed
To stay relaxed, self-awareness is important. Without being mindful of your current state of mind, it is easy to tip the balance and fall into mental dullness on one end or agitation of the mind at the other extreme. With self-awareness, you will be able to detect when you are holding on to more tension than necessary to perform at your best.
However, in our highly stressed out society, relaxation seems to be possible only when we are engaging in our favorite sports or activities, bumming around in a beach resort, or enjoying a spa treat. But, even some fail to relinquish control during times of relaxation and ended up more stressed than before.
Don’t be afraid of stress
Some level of stress is not an entirely bad thing. It can be a source of energy that motivates us to achieve our goals. In addition, as mentioned in my earlier post on how to live at peace with your emotions, our stress responses which manifest in the form of strong emotions carry important messages that tell something about ourselves. If we consistently stay with them without interference and be curious about them, we will be able to know and discover our true nature.
I am, however, aware that there are situations when we do not have the luxury of time and space to go within ourselves and work on the self-inquiry we need. Some situations even demand us to bounce back quickly and react calmly.
How then can we restore ourselves to our natural state of being, that is to be relaxed, whenever we are out of kilter? Is there a way that is simple and safe without requiring you to sit on a plane or intoxicate your blood with chemicals?
A relaxation technique for everyone
Yes, there is. By learning how to release the tension using the relaxation technique below, you will be able to think more clearly, make better decisions and improve your overall efficiency. With practice, you will be able to use this technique anywhere with your eyes closed and quickly restore your inner balance in a short period of time.
How to Relax & Stay in Top Form
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Be quiet. Find a relatively quiet spot where you can be left alone for a couple of minutes without any interruption.
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Get comfortable — sitting or lying. Sit down and make yourself comfortable, but keep your back upright. This means no slouching forward or backward — just keep your head and back in their natural state.
If you are at home, you can choose to lie down on a bed with your hands resting by your sides. But, if you tend to fall asleep in this position, then a sitting position is recommended.
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Be aware. Close your eyes and tune in to your surroundings. Listen to the sounds around you. Even if there appears to be no sound at all, when you listen carefully, you will hear sounds which you might not have noticed in the past. For example, the callings of songbirds, the rustling of leaves, or the background humming of computers. Feel your weight being supported by the surface you are sitting or lying on. Be aware of the vast clear space surrounding you.
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Breathe naturally. Inhale the vast space of awareness into your body. Take your time and don’t try to control your breathing. The first couple of takes will likely to be short and quick, especially if you are feeling stressed. Don’t worry. Take your time to breathe without forcing. You will find that gradually, your breathing will slow down and each inhalation and exhalation will become longer, deeper and slower. Allow your breathing to happen effortlessly.
Every time you exhale, say “I am feeling more and more relaxed” without actually mouthing the words to calm your mind.
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Scan your internal circuits. As you calm down, mentally scan your body for signs of remaining tension. Starting from your head, slowly progress to your throat, your shoulders, hands, lungs, lower abdomen, thighs, calves and lastly your feet. Feel areas that are still feeling stiff and stagnant.
If you find a spot that is constricted, tight or painful, just gently rest your attention on it without any judgment. Avoid bulldozing it by hardening yourself. It will only harden the spot even more. Instead, simply be aware of it is sufficient. Tell yourself, “I don’t need to hold this tension or pain inside me.” Gently, let the tension releases by itself.
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Be kind to yourself. You will find yourself relaxing gradually moment by moment. When a spot has been cleared, carry on to the next. If the tension or pain remains, don’t panic. It just means that it needs more of your time and non-judgmental attention. If time doesn’t permit you to stay with it, make a mental note to come back to it in your next session.
Don’t demand yourself to feel completely relaxed after every session. By doing so, you are trying to control the whole experience, and as we know it, the more you try to control, the less relaxed you will be. If you are feeling 20% more relaxed, give yourself a pat on the back.
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Picture your next move. Hold your next activity in your mind and imagine bringing this feeling of tranquility and its peaceful energy into your next action. Open your eyes and move on with your daily life with renewed strength and a relaxed composure.
i found breating to be very helpful in controlling stress.will try out other tips too
Hi zeesu, I’m happy to hear that you find breathing meditation is effective in coping with stress. Do let us know how are the other tips working for you too. Thanks.