Finding Lasting Happiness
Why are happiness originating outside of ourselves seemed so fleeting? How can we experience true happiness? Find out as we explore this common pursuit of all mankind
For a long time, I’ve the notion that having my very own home will give me the ultimate freedom and security I need in life. Not as a tenant living under someone else’s roof, but as a proud owner of a property that I can call my own.
But as I inquire deeper into this belief with meditation, I gradually realize that this is another wrong concept that has developed from my life experiences. As I continue to ask “Can a home give me true freedom and security?”, the answer, as you can probably guess, is no.
What usually comes after getting a property? Since I am not loaded with cash, it will mean more debts and expenses. There may be some initial excitement as I go about shopping and renovating my ideal home, but they will be quickly replaced by anxieties over monthly loan and bill repayments. Then there will also be worries about fire hazards, burglars and home safety that require more monies to quell. With these increasing liabilities, I’d have to say goodbye to my yearly overseas vacation and weekly small treats in order to enjoy my ‘security’ and ‘freedom’.
Will I feel secure when there are debts weighing me down? To service my loans and repay my bills, I’d have to continue working in a job that I may no longer enjoy. Is that true freedom? I am surprised that it took me so long to realize this.
Security, freedom and ultimately happiness that are derived externally do not last. As what Buddha had said before he died “All created things are impermanent“, happiness that is based on objects or circumstances outside of ourselves is like sand castles. When the conditions responsible for the happiness are swept away by the sea of changes in life, so will the happiness that depends on them. Such happiness will always be at the mercy of the elements in life and those who come to rely on it will live in constant fear of losing it. They become hostages of every situation and people that may threaten their happiness. Is this true happiness?
Deep inside, we know true happiness is more than that. Genuine happiness doesn’t depend on a particular thing, person or situation. Neither does it require a reason to flourish. At some point in time, each one of us suspect that it is something that we already have inside but never quite believed or knew how to access it.
But the way to find lasting happiness is surprisingly straightforward. We just need to quiet our mind, let the sediments in our mind to settle down, and allow happiness to surface through gratitude and the eyes of an infant.
But why does it remain elusive to most people?
When we are bounded by social conditioning, limiting thoughts and faulty concepts that have accumulated over the course of our lives, we are blinded to the happiness within us. Without first identifying these misleading thoughts, ideas, concepts and beliefs and learn to let go of them, we will continue to chase after elusive happiness that originates outside of ourselves. To do that, a vigilant eye on the contents of our mind, not just during meditation, is essential to ensure that we do not go through life mindlessly day after day.
I still don’t have my own roof yet, and I’m glad that I didn’t. Otherwise, the fees to pay for coming to this realization will be extremely costly and stressful.
That doesn’t mean that I will not buy my own property in the future (that is when I’ve saved up enough). But when I do get one, it is not for the sake of security or freedom. It will simply be because it’s time to get one.
Do you have experiences that reveal the shakiness of happiness for a reason?
I agree with you about owning a home. My sister just bought a home not too long ago and now she regrets it. With the economy going downhill, she is afraid that she might lose her job and not be able to pay her mortgage.
I also agree with you about how external things can’t bring true happiness. A good way to find true happiness is to search within yourself and understand your true identity, your soul (spirit, higher-self). Most people live their lives paying too much attention to their bodies and external things. This creates a false identity of who they are and let their egos control their lives. By letting their egos control their lives, they can’t fill the void within them because they always want more.
Thank you Chang for your insightful thoughts on this article.
I hope your sister’s situation is improving. Perhaps you can encourage her to start looking out for another job, get additional relevant certification or pick up new skills to enhance her marketability. If she’s adventurous enough, she could even strike out on her own. Economy downturn is the best time to be your own boss
There are pros and cons to owning a home, but renting definitely has benefits like being able to move quickly to take advantage of an opportunity and not having the expenses of home maintenance.
Definitely, Annaly. Certain life situations call for a home of a different nature, usually at some major stages in our lives. I’m sure the day will come for me to buy my own home, and I so look forward to that day. Thanks for leaving your thoughts.