More often than not, the reason why we don’t achieve our dreams is not because we don’t have the talent, money or time. It is because of the fears of uncertainty that keep us earthbound. Instead of questioning our fears, we quickly comfort ourselves with stories so that everything can be ‘back to normal’. Now, you may even have problem recognizing your own stories because they would have festered into facts after countless times of repetition.
In this article, we will expose some of the common stories we tell ourselves and see what they are really made of. Feel free to substitute the words in brackets with your own.
Stories we tell ourselves
1. “I’m too busy (to start a fitness program).”
Sidekicks:
“I don’t have time.”
“I’ve poor time management skill.”
Fact: If this dream of yours really matters to you, you will make time for it. You will plan your life around it, rather than relegating it to number 101th in your priority list. The fact is either you are not really passionate about your dream, or you are holding yourself back from facing your dream. Time is only a man-made concept, one perpetuated by human beings and their creations (think ‘clocks and watches’). It doesn’t really exist. Do you see animals getting stressed over time? You are much smarter than animals, I know. So start acting like one. Don’t let time hold you back.
2. “I can’t afford to quit my job to be (an artist).”
Sidekicks:
“I’ve a family to feed.”
“I’ve loans to pay back.”
Fact: The fact is you do not always have to quit your day job, or change your lifestyle drastically to pursue your dream, at least for a start. If your dream is to start a business, you can begin by doing some research, gather the necessary resources (including capital) and start small. Or if your dream is to be a performing street artist, you can begin by honing your skills during your free time and performing free in private parties to gain some exposure. When you are finally ready to quit your day job, make sure you have enough funds to see you and your family through for at least 6 to 12 months.
3. “I’ve never done this before.”
Sidekicks:
“I’m not ready.”
“I always fail. Why bother trying?”
Fact: You will never ever be ready or have that experience if you don’t take the first step. Many successful people catch up along the way by admitting the mistakes they made, learning from their and other people’s mistakes, and then moving on. The truth is you are too afraid to make mistakes and too scare to fail. Cure this fear right away by proclaiming “Mistakes are good for my soul!” and give yourself a printed permission to fail and make mistakes. Put it where you can see it every day. The point is don’t let the fear of failure paralyze you and stop you from doing what you really want to do.
4. “I’m never good at (accounting). How can I (run my own business)?”
Sidekicks:
“I can’t even get simple things right.”
“This feels like too much work.”
“I don’t have the right education.”
Fact: Nobody is born with knowledge about everything. We are not computers which can download information at the click of a button. So stop expecting to know or do everything all by yourself. With the advent of the Internet, many previously premium services and software have either become very affordable or are now offered free online. If you find that there is a certain skill or paper qualification that you must get in order to accomplish your dream, then make it a point to learn the skill or earn that paper. Stop procrastinating!
5. “I can never compete with those people out there.”
Sidekicks:
“I don’t have what it takes.”
“I don’t have the luck.”
Fact: Banish these useless, self-defeating thoughts right away. The fact is everyone is gifted with a set of unique capabilities. Recall the essay assignments dished out in schools and how everyone submitted with a different interpretation for the same topic? There is always room for innovation no matter how successful a person, a company or a product is. If the industry or field you are trying to get into is hyper-competitive, could you not carve a niche market for yourself by either improving on existing service or product, or incorporating elements or features which would not otherwise be associated with it?
6. “My (parents) never see me as (a writer).”
Sidekicks:
“The people around me are all professionals. What I want to do won’t fit in.”
Fact: Do the views of other people about you matter more than how you see yourself? Many people mistakenly place the views of other people well above their own and the result can only be a life which pleases everyone except you. You are not living a life that belongs to your parents, spouse, relatives or friends. It’s your own life! Ultimately, those who really care about you want you to be truly happy. If you really want to quit your soulless desk-bound job to become a novelist, go do it. If you keep having to live up to the expectation of this person or that person, it is as good as a life that has not been lived.
7. “My race is a problem.”
Sidekicks:
“I am too (old).”
“I am a (woman).”
Fact: Ever heard of people who learned how to play piano or read for a degree when they are well above the society’s “acceptable” age? How about students who became much richer than their parents while they are still in school? Not to mention the numerous female high-achievers among us. Regardless of your age, gender or skin color, you have the same potential to achieve greatness as everyone else.
Rational versus irrational fears
Please don’t be mistaken that all the concerns above are nothing but irrational fears conjured purely by our mind. Some of them could be totally rational and real. For example, you may have a family member whom you need to look after and hiring external help is not a viable option. Surely, taking care of your family member should take a higher priority than pursuing your dreams. But even in this challenging case, are you sure there is really nothing you can do that can advance you one baby step closer to your dream? Triumph goes to those who are prepared. You never know when the opportunity you have been waiting for will land on you.
Big dream = many small goals
What if your dream seems too large and impossible for you to even hold it in your mind for more than a few seconds? Try breaking it down into smaller, bite-sized goals which will move you slowly but surely towards that big dream. There is always something you can do no matter how big a dream may appear to be. Even if you don’t achieve your big dream in the end, you will be much closer to it than having done nothing at all. But most importantly, you will have no regret because you have given your best shot.
Catch your stories before they catch you
But before you can give your dreams a breathing space which they deserve, you have to learn to stop your stories from hijacking them again. What should you do then?
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First, train yourself to be aware of the thoughts in your mind. Only then will you be able to stop knee-jerk responses, and catch hold of your stories instead of passively accepting them as facts. Start by being very curious about what is going on in your mind.
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Then replace thoughts that do not serve you with positive statements. If you find yourself beating yourself up with “I’m too old for this”, replace it with something like, “I’m experienced, wise and have built up the financial reserve to do anything I want.” Come out with your own statements that highlight your strengths. Affirmative statements will help to reinforce positive messages and thoughts so that the negative ones will have less room space in your brain.
As the philosopher Bertrand Russell lamented, “Nothing is so exhausting as indecision. And nothing is so futile.” Doing the wrong thing may not look as bad as doing nothing at all.
If you have been reflexively dismissing your dreams with feeble and flawed stories, ask yourself today: If I am given a chance to start all over, what will I do differently this time?
