5 Strategies to Increase Your Self-Esteem
Losing faith in yourself? Regain your confidence and self-esteem with these simple methods that work
Ever wonder why some affirmations work, while others don’t? A study done by the University of Waterloo in Canada may shed some light.
Researchers found that when affirmations strongly contradict with how people actually see themselves, these positive statements may reinforce, rather than reverse, negative self-perception.
So if you’ve always view yourself as a good-for-nothing failure, repeating “I’m a success and is capable of accomplishing big things” would actually remind you that you’re a lousy failure who is trying to psycho himself into believing he is not, and makes you feel ten times worse.
Because deep inside, your existing poor self-esteem is so deep-rooted that it doesn’t just neutralize any positive statements that contradict it, it even feeds on them. So the more times you repeat the contradicting statement, the stronger the negative perception becomes.
Like a sci-fi monster that sucks on innocent people’s good thoughts, repeating the wrong affirmations a gazillion times is only going to make your negative beliefs stronger. To improve your self-esteem and confidence, you will need to tackle the underlying beliefs that gave birth to the monster in the first place. Here are some strategies you can include in your arsenal.
1. Multiply Your Strengths
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Take credit when it’s due. People with poor self-esteem often downplay their accomplishments while constantly remind themselves of their own blunders. If this sounds like you, start a pat-on-my-own-back journal to record accomplishments and achievements, big and small, until you are cured of self-belittling. Once you’ve them recorded, go out and do those things that you’re good at and multiply your results by ten times. You can be sure that your self-image and confidence will also improve at the same rate, if not more.
2. Conquer Your Weaknesses
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Nothing boost our self-confidence more than overcoming our own weaknesses. Many of the so-called weaknesses are in fact erroneous understanding about ourselves that on close examination may not be as big and invincible as what we’ve make them out to be.
When I was in primary (elementary) school, I could barely understand grammar rules and would scrape through English language tests. I was assigned to a “poor in English” group which I came to associate myself with for many years. But thankfully, as I grew older, I started enjoying reading stories which exposed me to a different side of the language that’s quite unlike the one I’ve encountered in school. English began to make sense as I gained more interest and confident in the language. Though I still struggle with some grammar rules now, I no longer see it as a weakness but as an area where I need to improve on constantly.
3. Put Your Achilles Heels in the Right Place
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Don’t blow the errors you make out of proportion. We tend to over-generalize when we make mistakes: Mess up a job and we conclude that we are never good at anything; slip a gym class and we label ourselves as an undisciplined lazybones. Without realizing, these seemingly benign labels become part of how we perceive ourselves when we use them often enough. And before we know it, they turn into virtual walls that trap us in our own self-defeating thoughts. So watch out the next time you tell yourself how you’ve screwed up the last time around. Take a deep breath, ignore those labels and give yourself a fresh chance!
4. Do Good Deeds
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Giving other people a helping hand makes you realize that you’re not the incapable sloth you think you’re. It also opens your eyes to the fact that there are many people who’re in much dire situation than you are but are still holding up their chin high. And nothing warms the heart better than an act of genuine selflessness, no matter how trivial it may be.
5. Come to Terms with Your Flaws
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No one is perfect. You’ve heard this for countless times but how many times have you beat yourself up for the way you look or for not being able to perform the way somebody did? There are bound to be areas where we’ll never measure up against someone else no matter how hard we try, like the way we look and our lack of aptitude for certain things in life (such as balancing of books which I’ve yet to figure out). If it’s something that you’ve no control or no interest in, then it’s not worth your while agonizing over. Learn to accept it and whenever possible, get someone who’s good at it to help.
There are many other great ways to boost confidence and self-esteem. Are there ways that worked particularly well for you? Do share them with us in the comments. Thanks!
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Thanks for this article. I’ve known for some time that positive affirmations can backfire in this way. I myself struggle with very low self-esteem, and when I repeat an affirmation that contradicts with the way I see myself, I feel that I’m lying to myself. This makes me feel even worse, and reminds me of all the ways I’ve “messed up” or let myself or others down. I found you first strategy, “Multiply Your Strengths” to be very helpful!
Thank you for sharing, Stacy. It’s useful to be mindful of not just our strengths, but also of self-sabotaging thoughts that bring down our self-esteem. I wish you all the best!
[...] Ho presents 5 Strategies to Increase Your Self-Esteem posted at The Conscious Life, saying, “Are you losing faith in yourself? Regain your [...]
Theses are great tips, and I think the ‘do good deeds’ is SO powerful in boosting self-esteem as well as diffusing low-level depression.. at least it has been for me. I would also offer, along those lines, the “work” of Byron Katie, which is examining our stories with the inquiry of “is this really true?”
The observation that we’re doing things that aren’t getting results that we would like is one thing… the story about why that happens is another.
Wow, that’s a good one, Gina. Thanks for sharing it with us. Indeed, false beliefs and misconceptions are often so deeply entrenched that we fail to question them anymore. Some of them lead us to believe that we are inferior and will never be good enough. Perfect recipe for poor self-esteem and low confidence. Only by questioning our beliefs and stories can we destabilize our misconceptions and loosen their grip on us. Simple method but life-changing effects!